Sitting in the office, getting our taxes together to send in to our CPA, I hear Matt in the kitchen, busy making a birthday cake. He is wanting to bring a birthday cake with us to the hospital so that when Olive is born, we can offer her first official birthday cake to visitors who come to our room. I’m filling out last minute deposit slips, cleaning up my desk, organizing papers and occasionally feeling a contraction here and there. The mystery of when this event will take place is overwhelming, but I’m so thankful that I don’t have a schedule of when she will be here. I realize in this moment of doing “little things” that big things are happening. Matt is practicing guitar, I’m occasionally gripping the desk to deal with a contraction, and all the while, God is orchestrating this whole event. He has us in mind and he cares for us. I know this, though at times, I let myself believe the lies that we are on our own.
I want to remember us how we are right now. Matt and I are so close. We’re the best team imaginable. We love each other, we respect each other. We laugh at the same jokes and annoyances and the same things excite and bother us. We find it hard to have complete joy without the other. We’ve experienced so much together, been to so many new places and have had extremely deep pain as well. I know that no matter what happens in the week to come, that we will be okay. I know this first, because God is in control. I know this second because of all the proof I’ve seen over the years. God has given me such a blessing in a partner like Matt. He cares for me and attends to my needs more than anyone else in my life. He will do the same for Olive and for any other children we may have in the future. I know that his character and his love for us and for Christ will only grow in the coming months and years. I always pray for his heart, that it will remain open to God’s will first.
We are ready for this. We have read the books, taken the classes, lost one baby and have fully enjoyed the pregnancy of this baby. I have enjoyed this pregnancy. Up until this last month, I’ve felt wonderful. I’ve loved the sweetness of feeling her move, the amazement at feeling a person inside me have the hiccups, seen the joy in Matt’s face as he felt her move for the first time – it’s all been wonderful and an experience that I’ll never forget. If I go into labor tomorrow, I’ll feel ready to have Olive meet us and our families and this wonderful world God’s given us. Thank you, Lord, for being strong and being in control and being the most amazing creator. I’m putting this in your hands.